Dear : Paul Auster Written by Ahmed Nada

Paul ,
IT's said that the priests of Stockholm had never heard about you before . it's also said that their criteria of the selection is one of the Freemasons secrets . which was confirmed by the myth that says that even the Committee knows nothing about the criteria of selecting the winner . but a lot of news has been scattered about the rituals of choosing between the candidates .

There is A house for lizards in the south of Stockholm in a small hut in which lives A blind man of a Czech mother ( As the first resident in this house was a blind man of an Austrian mother , so they maintained the stringent of the resident standards even at the days of the lack of the Austrian eggs which has been vaccinated by A Swedish sperm that carries the genes of blindness ) .

The Committee chooses A colored female lizard , puts it in A glass house perforated with the number of the winners , they take it to A secret underground room that has The face of Alfred Nobel with A lizard tongue painted on its door .

They write the names of the over 77 years old writers with A Chinese fresh Ink on a marble floor , eliminating any name the lizard cross on and erase .

then , they write the survival names with the lizard's cut tail on a paper and put it in an elevator that none of them has been in before , and they wait until the elevator comes back down with the name of the winner .

Until now , no one knows who choose ?  How ?  Why ? , once one of the priests tried to get in that cursed elevator but he was burned , died with a big Tattoo on his ass with the name of Herta Mueller .

Also rumored that miserable guy who pushed by his curiosity and got himself in ,  and then found dead in his home with A cassette tape for Elvis Presley ( in this year Neruda won the award ) .

As for the others who won the prize and not over 77 , A mean tattler told me once that in those years the lizards infected by some kind of epidemic , the Chinese ink disappeared , Dalai Lama announced his conversion to Islam , and the paper came burned a little with the winner name ( and this is what makes me sure that Camus is an expert in black magic more than he felt bored and Marquez was a miraculous .. well , otherwise he didn't go to receive the award wearing only under wears ) .

Little Paul , I'm trying to find out A way to know the son of A bitch who who chooses the winner , till then .. my regards to your wife Siri , and tell her to stop that shit she writes .

Goodbye .. man